The Last Days...

It's difficult for me to really comprehend the fact that this is my last day at work as a non-mom. Having today feel just so normal is totally bizarre considering how life as we know it is about to get turned upside down in just under 36 hours.

I don't know if I'm most nervous for the actual C-Section or the fact that there will be a BABY as the end result of the operation. The one thing that I know that I'm not nervous about is the hospital stay itself. It sounds so sad, but having a few days surrounded by nurses helping me, bringing me food, and just controlling everything for me seems like heaven right now. I'm sure that being exhausted, stitched up, and on all kinds of medications will quickly change my outlook of a "hospital vacation," but for now, I'm very much looking forward to some serious R&R in a hospital bed before the real work begins.

I feel very ready for the baby in some ways (mostly physically!) and totally unprepared in others. I think that they key in the whole experience is going to be to roll with is as much as I can. These next few weeks are going to be full of challenges that are going to surprise me and joys that I can't even imagine (hopefully). I'm just trying to be as open to each and every experience as I can. Because that's what life is about after all -- just living in the moment as much as possible and accepting each and every experience for what it is, no matter how difficult.

Here is another belly shot taken a few weeks ago. I'm even bigger now and just cannot wait to have this kid living on the outside!

The First Lesson

I had my 37 week appointment this morning to make sure that everything is progressing normally. Everything checked out until the end when I asked my Dr. to double check to make sure that the baby is in the correct birthing position since she had never checked this before. After man-handling my stomach for a few minutes, she suggested that we do an ultra sound to see the position since she couldn't get a good read with her hands. I've had enough visits to the Dr. at this point to know that this response most likely meant that something was amiss, but I kept my cool and followed her into the US room.

As expected, it looks like Baby Granquist is happily "star-gazing" with his/her head wedged comfortably under my ribs. At 37 weeks and especially with a tilted head, it seems very unlikely that the baby will flip before D-Day, meaning that I am now preparing myself for a C-section.

I was a bit surprised by my initial reaction to learning that a "natural" birth was highly unlikely (natural does NOT mean no drugs in this context. Drugs were always going to be involved). In a weird way I've been looking forward to the challenge of a vaginal birth and the excitement that comes along with it. I actually cried a bit when walking to my car and the reality of having a planned C-section hit me. It was strange, especially considering that I've always said that having a healthy baby and mama is all that I really want out of a birth. I think that it was just the change in plans that I hadn't been anticipating combined with the raging hormones that did me in.

I'm feeling much better now. I called my Dad who has been an amazing source of calmness and clarity for me throughout this pregnancy and he helped me feel better. Now I'm actually glad to know the date of the baby's arrival. It will certainly make the planning parts of becoming a new parent a little bit easier.

Turkey Time

I was lucky enough to have three of my closest friends come to visit me this past weekend. Although we never officially named it as such, I believe that this was an informal farewell weekend to us all being baby-free since I'm due in 2 months and one of the girls will be having a baby this fall. What I didn't take into account when planning this weekend was that even though there isn't a baby in sight, there is still a rather large and very active baby in my belly, one that made me wonder if we might have missed the boat on the "baby-free" aspect of the weekend. Not only is this little guy/girl swimming around in my belly all the time (most active at night when I'm trying to sleep, of course), making me feel simultaneously excited and a bit nauseous, but he/she is also turning my brain to mush. At one point during the weekend, my friend mentioned that her least favorite holiday was coming up this week, to which I responded "What? Thanksgiving?"

For anyone keeping their eye on the clock, you will realize how ridiculous a statement this was considering that it is mid-February and Thanksgiving is pretty much the holiday that is the farthest away at this point. So I really can't explain why those words came out of my mouth except that the aforementioned baby must be sucking the brains right out of my head.

That, or perhaps it's because I'm currently obsessed with food, so Thanksgiving would be the logical choice.

Third Trimester. Whoa Momma!

The first four months of pregnancy were the worst. The hardest part for me was feeling all of the terrible pregnancy side-effects without looking pregnant.  It was hard not having any outside changes match up with the tremendous number of changes that were happening inside. I almost felt like I was lying to people when I told them that I wasn't feeling well because I was pregnant.

All of that changed at week 17. It was like I woke up one morning and was finally, actually pregnant! My friends Sevan and Suzie were here visiting that weekend and I'll never forget walking into the store with them to see John mid-day and his face when he saw the baby bump appear out of nowhere. I was equally as shocked to see it (not to mention that I started to feel the baby move/kick that same day. Double whammy!) and am still amazed when I look at myself in the mirror.

On one hand I can't believe how pregnant I look and on the other hand I can't believe that I have three more months of growing to do! How in the world is my body going to survive that? I really have no idea.

Anyway, as I begin the third trimester, I'm starting to have some of those first-trimester pregnancy symptoms again. But this time, I have the benefit of rubbing my belly, feeling my baby kick, and knowing that this thing is in the mail.

27 weeks!

Let's Give This A Try

Why am I starting a blog you ask? That's a very good question -- one that I've been trying to answer myself over the past few weeks. The idea to start a blog has been with me for a little while now, but I've been waffling on whether I should start it or not. Do I actually have anything interesting to share? And if so, do I really want to share it? And with whom? But despite not having answered any of these questions, I've decided to take the plunge and just start writing.

I just know that for whatever reason, I've had the urge to sit down and document.

Perhaps it's because I know that John and I are on the cusp of the biggest change in our lives and I want to memorialize these final weeks before the baby comes. Or perhaps it's because I've already started going through some very big changes (mostly physical at this point) and I feel like unless I write about them, I'm going to forget. Whatever the reason, I woke up this morning with the idea for a blog title in my head, which I took to mean that I should finally just sit down and start.

So here it is. My pre-baby -- beginning of my third-trimester -- personal blog. And just like my life in T-minus 3 months, I have no idea what lies in store. Maybe this will be my first and final post. Maybe I'll write everyday and post ridiculous photos to boot.

Photos like this one:

My Three Musketeers